Today marks a full year of my soberish journey.
365 Days. 32 drinks.
A year ago today I woke up feeling like doggy doo (proof in photo) after a girls weekend where there was rose at the pool, wine at dinner and gin and tonics for a nightcap. On the drive home, the amount of judgment and self-loathing was all-consuming. Not unlike most days where I drank.
For years I had questioned how much I drank. I never got out of control. I never damaged relationships. I never abandoned responsibilities.
I didn’t “have a problem”.
But I did.
Because I spent so many mornings that turned into days thinking “Why did I have that second glass of wine?”.
I spent so much energy stopping, restarting, stopping again. I spent more time recuperating than thriving.
All the while knowing that it would serve me to do something different. Honestly I think that was the worst part, ignoring the truth that I knew.
Alcohol had a leading role in my life and it was a terrible actor.
It may be cliche but if I can do it you can do it.
32 drinks over a year sounds like a lot but when I look back I could easily consume that in a month or two. Ick. That one feels embarrassing to say.
I am not sure what the journey ahead looks like but I do know the role that booze once had in my life is over. It’s too good of a story without it.
I'll be sharing daily over the next week on the lessons I learned, why I chose soberish over sober and my busted excuses and misconceptions. If you have even an inkling of wanting to do things with me, I hope you’ll keep a look out.
Our brain is a wild thing.
We can remember a state pledge of allegiance from elementary school, “I salute the flag of the state of New Mexico” but also forget the name of that one person that works at the one company that you emailed yesterday.
We will focus on the one negative thing we may have done years ago and cast away the greatness we did today.
Today marks day 254 of my soberish journey. In those 254 days I have had 15 drinks.
I have said no thank you to drinks at weddings, happy hours and fancy hotel bars with friends. I have said yes please to a glass of wine on my birthday and while making bolognese on a Sunday afternoon.
And to be honest I feel really good and really proud.
AND I still find myself saying “Is that good enough?” “Does this really count?” “Wouldn’t it be a better looking number if it was one a month?”
How easily I forget that I used to easily consume that amount in 14 days.
How easily I forget that alcohol used to be a big part of my life and now I rarely think about it.
How easily I forget that I managed some big life stuff totally sober.
Yall. That is freaking awesome. The Holly who started this journey 254 days ago would be high-fiving and back flipping (if she could) over this.
So here's to celebrating the progress we have made and not letting our brains get in the way.
Go home brain. You're drunk.
Today I am joined by my dear friend Eli. We met around 17 years ago at work, him a newly graduated pastor who knew it all and me newly out full of mistrust.
What could go wrong? He was one of the first guests I knew I had to have because what we did 17 years ago was what I want to do with this platform. Have conversations with people you may not understand on topics you may feel fearful about, judgment of or are curious about.
We talk about how preconceived ideas of who the other was when we met, the power of being inquisitive over holding an inquisition and how him questioning his faith not only helped him find greater faith but also opened him up to a a world of possibilities.
In today's Question Everything, I expand more on my grief journey with my father.
I share that if I had to boil all the complications down to to one thing what it would be, the transformational experience that led me to a question that changed everything and how being aware in my body is a guiding light to how I am coping.
Self-healing and growth isn't for the weak but its worth it. We know better.
We do better. We do better. We know better. Rinse and repeat. I want to hear from you.
What are you working on healing?
What are you deciding to no longer make a thing?
Relationships are complicated. Grief is complicated. And together well complicated.
In the inaugural episode of Question Everything my brother and I question where we are in the grief process after our dad passed away a little over a month ago.
Brent shares his compassion for our dad and a reminder that its called “parenting” not “perfecting” and I share how I am grieving for so many different versions of who my dad was and who he wasn’t.
I am by no means an expert on grief but I do know the power of speaking my truth. And that when I do others may not feel alone. If you found this episode helpful and/or want to be notified of future episodes subscribe today.
I don't know who needs this permission slip but here ya go!
This is coming from a human who not only loves goals and intention setting and strategy but also the fresh start of beginnings. The beginning of a month, a week, a quarter, a year.
So I guess it's me, I am the one that needs the permission slip.
We hear pressure all around us from coaches, from influencers, from brands on starting out the new year on fire. I'll admit I have been one of these coaches because it is vitally important to set intentions and strategies to get to where you want to go in life.
But it's also vitally important to give yourself the grace and space to do it the right way.
As someone who loves getting her new planner and setting goals for the year, this year felt different to me. 2021 and especially the past couple months have been the most mentally exhausting of my life.
I found myself in early December feeling behind for 2022 before it even got started. Bananas right?
It's hard to create clarity and creativity and excitement when you are tired and burned out and rushing to meet some arbitrary time.
So for me I am giving myself permission to not set anything until February 1. I am using January to shut out the noise and distractions so all the amazingness I want to create will come up.
It's not an excuse or laziness.
My personal and professional growth is more important than ever but I know that giving myself the time and space will pay back dividends.
If this is you I wish the same.
Take a beat.
Give yourself the time and space to really see what it is you want.
Commit to making it happen.
There is no rush. You are right on time.
Let’s go kick some ass this year. Or not. You decide.
I know we said it last year at this time but What. A. Year.
This year probably did not look at all what you expected it to look like but congrats you're still here!!
There's a lot of buzz in coaching and personal development around planning for 2022 (tbh it can be exhausting right?) but before we do I hope you stop and take the time to celebrate, honor and reflect on this past year.
Here are the 7 prompts I am using this year to think through what the past year meant to me and how I will use my learnings to adjust moving into 2022.
1. What am I most proud of this year?
2. What was the biggest lesson I learned this year?
3. What was something I accomplished or overcame that was never part of my vision?
4. What will I no longer tolerate going into 2022?
5. What do I want to do more of in 2022?
6. What do I want less of in 2022?
7. What am I currently holding on to that I need to release?
I hope after reflecting you find pride in what you have done and clarity for what you want to do.
It's time for my annual friendly Holiday reminders.
Kind of like your reminder for your annual. You may not want to recognize it but it’s important. Although this is a lot less intrusive.
During the Holidays we forget we have agency over our life. We revert to old family power dynamics and literally buy into what society tells us matters.
We totally forget we have the power to make the choices that are important to us so just in case you may forget.....
It's okay to set boundaries and expectations for you and your family. It's not mean. It's you protecting what is important to you. And yes family can just be defined as just YOU!
You can define what the Holidays look like. It's okay to say goodbye to things you have done and hello to things you want to try. Pizza over Turkey? Yummy. Experiences over presents? How fun! Do nothing. That's cool too.
You can say no to societal expectations. The chaos, the rushing, the materialism. These are not requirements. You can say "hard pass" and focus on what is important to you.
There is no time that we need to be reminded more of the power of choice than the Holidays. It's so easy to focus so much on what we "should do" or "have always done" or "what everyone else is doing" that the joy is sucked right out.
Where do you need to take back some agency over your life around the Holidays? I want to hear from you!
Don't take life too seriously.
You'll never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
Are you taking life too seriously?
I'm not talking about showing up with commitment, focus and discipline. That's awesome!
I'm talking about not speaking up. I'm talking about hiding who you are. I'm talking about not fully exploring what a meaningful transition could look like for you. I'm talking saying no to opportunities that excite you.
I'm talking being paralyzed in decision making and ruminating on every single thing you do.
We can take things so seriously it's the biggest thing that holds us back.
Serious can also be the armor that hides fear. Just like perfectionism and procrastination.
For me it can be showing up on social media. You would think the entire world would see a post sometimes with the amount of focus I put on it. #confession
If I didn't take that so seriously you would see so much more of me in a way that honors my vision of being a supportive coach who wants to help you live your truest, boldest life.
Me taking things aka myself too seriously is stopping me from doing what it is I want most. Isn't that ironic? Don't ya think?
I would take things less seriously because not only will it not matter at end of life. It probably won't matter in two hours.
What is it for you that you take so seriously you are stuck in it?
No one gets out of here alive but we can choose at any moment to do it differently.
It's probably an understatement to say our anxiety is at an all-time high these days. I want to share my three-question process I use for myself and with my clients when you feel like your anxiety comes out of nowhere.
1. Where did the thought come from? Anxiety does not come from nowhere. It has an origin. It's the thought you have. What were you doing or thinking before you noticed the anxiety come on strong? Were you scrolling the phone and saw an article? Was it the mounting list of things you need to do? Was it thoughts of what if's and I cant's? Identifying the thought that brought on the anxiety is key.
2. What is the emotion underlying it? Anxiety is an umbrella of a feeling. What is the emotion under the anxiety? Is it fear, anger, frustration, sadness? A combo platter. Knowing the emotion can give you a clearer insight of why you are feeling this. No wonder anxiety is hitting big if you are scared of what is to come or overwhelmed with life right now. When we can get more specific of WHAT we are feeling, it gives us a direction on what to do with it.
3. What can I do about this? If you can do something, do it. Take control. If you cannot, it may be time to accept that you have done your part and work on moving past it. This can look like talking to someone, journaling your thoughts or moving your body. I understand it's easier said than done but it's necessary to take control of the things we can and let go of what we can't.
Try this on next time anxiety comes out of nowhere and let me know how it works for you.
Breaks aren’t always a bad thing.
And a break isn’t always a breakup.
In fact, I took a break from parts of my business about a month ago and it wasn’t super comfortable at first. As someone who likes to do and accomplish and honor her commitments and goals, I had a hard time stepping into it.
But the truth is that by taking a break I was able to do the exact things above. I just needed a beat.
If the thought of taking a break from something in your life scares you, here are two thoughts to marinate on and see if a small break can propel you in a big way.
A. It's necessary to rethink what you are doing and make adjustments. In fact, it's the only way to survive and thrive.
Sometimes we dont want to change what we are doing because we feel like we've failed when in reality it's time to change course. I was doing a couple things in my business that served me at one point but didn't any longer which is AOK. We can stay so rigid to what we commit to that we never stop to think, "Is this where I should be spending my energy?" I used this time to start/stop doing things and I've already seen the shift.
What is it for you that you can rethink and adjust to make your life a little sweeter?
B. Stepping away is key to moving forward.
I am not sure I would have recognized point A without point B. We have to stop every once in a while and look at the full picture. We can get overwhelmed with outside influences, ever-growing to do lists and doing things as we always have, that we lose sight of why we started in the first place. It's okay to take a beat. In fact, every breakthrough I have had has come after a break.
What can you step away from to get clarity on where you want to go next?
Life won’t pass you by in a week or a month or even a couple months. Take a break, reset and go kick ass. I know it won’t be the last time I just step away for a bit so I can step forward in a big way.
What would a break look like for you?
Listen to the Relatable Coaches Kevin Huntting and Holly Krivo as they share their reflections for the week. I share how Adam Grant's article in the NYT times on Languishing gave me pause and how I recognized the need to step back and reconnect. Kevin discusses how a romantic night on vacation could have been ruined if he had not recognized his power of choice in the situation.
I want to hear from YOU!
What is a reflection you have for this week?