It's time for my annual friendly Holiday reminders.
Kind of like your reminder for your annual. You may not want to recognize it but it’s important. Although this is a lot less intrusive.
During the Holidays we forget we have agency over our life. We revert to old family power dynamics and literally buy into what society tells us matters.
We totally forget we have the power to make the choices that are important to us so just in case you may forget.....
It's okay to set boundaries and expectations for you and your family. It's not mean. It's you protecting what is important to you. And yes family can just be defined as just YOU!
You can define what the Holidays look like. It's okay to say goodbye to things you have done and hello to things you want to try. Pizza over Turkey? Yummy. Experiences over presents? How fun! Do nothing. That's cool too.
You can say no to societal expectations. The chaos, the rushing, the materialism. These are not requirements. You can say "hard pass" and focus on what is important to you.
There is no time that we need to be reminded more of the power of choice than the Holidays. It's so easy to focus so much on what we "should do" or "have always done" or "what everyone else is doing" that the joy is sucked right out.
Where do you need to take back some agency over your life around the Holidays? I want to hear from you!
Don't take life too seriously.
You'll never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
Are you taking life too seriously?
I'm not talking about showing up with commitment, focus and discipline. That's awesome!
I'm talking about not speaking up. I'm talking about hiding who you are. I'm talking about not fully exploring what a meaningful transition could look like for you. I'm talking saying no to opportunities that excite you.
I'm talking being paralyzed in decision making and ruminating on every single thing you do.
We can take things so seriously it's the biggest thing that holds us back.
Serious can also be the armor that hides fear. Just like perfectionism and procrastination.
For me it can be showing up on social media. You would think the entire world would see a post sometimes with the amount of focus I put on it. #confession
If I didn't take that so seriously you would see so much more of me in a way that honors my vision of being a supportive coach who wants to help you live your truest, boldest life.
Me taking things aka myself too seriously is stopping me from doing what it is I want most. Isn't that ironic? Don't ya think?
I would take things less seriously because not only will it not matter at end of life. It probably won't matter in two hours.
What is it for you that you take so seriously you are stuck in it?
No one gets out of here alive but we can choose at any moment to do it differently.
It's probably an understatement to say our anxiety is at an all-time high these days. I want to share my three-question process I use for myself and with my clients when you feel like your anxiety comes out of nowhere.
1. Where did the thought come from? Anxiety does not come from nowhere. It has an origin. It's the thought you have. What were you doing or thinking before you noticed the anxiety come on strong? Were you scrolling the phone and saw an article? Was it the mounting list of things you need to do? Was it thoughts of what if's and I cant's? Identifying the thought that brought on the anxiety is key.
2. What is the emotion underlying it? Anxiety is an umbrella of a feeling. What is the emotion under the anxiety? Is it fear, anger, frustration, sadness? A combo platter. Knowing the emotion can give you a clearer insight of why you are feeling this. No wonder anxiety is hitting big if you are scared of what is to come or overwhelmed with life right now. When we can get more specific of WHAT we are feeling, it gives us a direction on what to do with it.
3. What can I do about this? If you can do something, do it. Take control. If you cannot, it may be time to accept that you have done your part and work on moving past it. This can look like talking to someone, journaling your thoughts or moving your body. I understand it's easier said than done but it's necessary to take control of the things we can and let go of what we can't.
Try this on next time anxiety comes out of nowhere and let me know how it works for you.
Breaks aren’t always a bad thing.
And a break isn’t always a breakup.
In fact, I took a break from parts of my business about a month ago and it wasn’t super comfortable at first. As someone who likes to do and accomplish and honor her commitments and goals, I had a hard time stepping into it.
But the truth is that by taking a break I was able to do the exact things above. I just needed a beat.
If the thought of taking a break from something in your life scares you, here are two thoughts to marinate on and see if a small break can propel you in a big way.
A. It's necessary to rethink what you are doing and make adjustments. In fact, it's the only way to survive and thrive.
Sometimes we dont want to change what we are doing because we feel like we've failed when in reality it's time to change course. I was doing a couple things in my business that served me at one point but didn't any longer which is AOK. We can stay so rigid to what we commit to that we never stop to think, "Is this where I should be spending my energy?" I used this time to start/stop doing things and I've already seen the shift.
What is it for you that you can rethink and adjust to make your life a little sweeter?
B. Stepping away is key to moving forward.
I am not sure I would have recognized point A without point B. We have to stop every once in a while and look at the full picture. We can get overwhelmed with outside influences, ever-growing to do lists and doing things as we always have, that we lose sight of why we started in the first place. It's okay to take a beat. In fact, every breakthrough I have had has come after a break.
What can you step away from to get clarity on where you want to go next?
Life won’t pass you by in a week or a month or even a couple months. Take a break, reset and go kick ass. I know it won’t be the last time I just step away for a bit so I can step forward in a big way.
What would a break look like for you?
Listen to the Relatable Coaches Kevin Huntting and Holly Krivo as they share their reflections for the week. I share how Adam Grant's article in the NYT times on Languishing gave me pause and how I recognized the need to step back and reconnect. Kevin discusses how a romantic night on vacation could have been ruined if he had not recognized his power of choice in the situation.
I want to hear from YOU!
What is a reflection you have for this week?
You are not too old and it’s not too late.
A girl can never have too many inspirational coffee mugs... Or can she?
Age can be such a harmful metric to define a life.
We think we have to have done x, y, z by a certain age or we're a failure. Married, Kids, Make a certain amount of money.
We think if we haven't done x, y, z by a certain age it's too late. Make a career move, book a trip, have a conversation.
We think we're too old and hold ourselves back from the things that light us up. Pick up a new hobby, be silly, celebrate your birthday all month. *cough*
All because somewhere along the way we picked up an idea that life had to be lived in a certain way by a certain time or it doesn't count or we're behind or it's too late. Ain't that some BS?
We need to stop defining our life by the age we are and focus on the life we live in a year.
What is it that you have given up on because you're too old?
What would it look like if instead of thinking the time has passed that the time is now?
I am just as excited for 41 as I was for 21 and 31 and all the years ahead because I know as long as I am here I have the time to do whatever it is that lights me up. As long as I have breath in my lungs, I can create the life I want.
How about you?
Stop thinking your life has to fit a timeline. Create your own timeline and make it happen. The world needs you.
One week I am talking about coaching techniques and the next bikini season. It's called balance.
"Unsubscribe. Not in this text chain," is what I texted when one of my best gal pals started talking about her cellulite and swimsuit season.
I knew what would happen next. Every woman, including myself, starting in on what was wrong with their body.
Women who have birthed babies. Women who have successful careers. Women who are making a difference in the world. Women who have so much value in the world outside of their body.
Strong. Smart. Kind. Funny. Powerful Women.
This wasn't the first time as a woman I've participated in this convo but hopefully the last.
Every time we chatter about being fat or having cellulite or ugly legs or fat arms or whatever else we make up in our minds, our brain and psyche take note. Not just note but in a big ole sharpie.
I am sure if I could track the time and energy I have spent with negative thoughts about my body, I could go back to my early 30s. It makes me sad to think about the energy and mind space I and so many women have spent obsessing and berating our bodies instead of showing up in all our awesomeness.
And what we miss out on because we aren't perfect. Pool parties. Sleeveless dresses. Shorts. Memories with friends and families. And even if we don't miss out we can be so preoccupied with the thoughts we miss the moments.
I can't do it anymore and I can't let you either. Not on my watch.
Come back to this statement every time you start down a rabbit hole of all the reasons you don't like your body.
I am grateful for my body because..
Ask yourself again and again until it shuts up the voice that tells you “You aren't enough”.
Because you are more than enough and you deserve to feel it.
Fellow coach Kevin Huntting and I are bringing our Friday reflections to YOU! As coaches who do the work with themselves and their clients, our weeks bring great insights that have to go beyond ours. In this episode we share a personal and professional insight including creating a DONE List and finding your zone. I would love to hear your insights. Message me here!
One of my goals in Q1 was to receive my COR.E Dynamics Leadership Specialist certification which I did! It may sound like a lot of hullabaloo to you but what it means is I have more tools and knowledge to better serve you!
In COR.E Dynamics we talk about how influencers like spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, social and environmental are factors that can work for you or against you.
They can enhance or distract your energy.
They are the stressors that take our joy away.
When performance is not at peak, one of these is off.
My environment has been less than ideal this year and I know I'm not alone. We moved back from Norway. Had three adults working from home. And the biggest stressor for me was not feeling like I had a space of my own.
I managed this by making the space I had as good as I could but definitely had some "poor me" thoughts and got snippy when people came to eat their dinner in my office aka the kitchen table.
But today I got my office back and a little bit of groove. While I'll miss my little brother I already feel a sense of relief to have privacy, space and a place of inspiration to bring my fullest energy. It wasn't terrible working this way the past3 months but it definitely wasn't ideal and was probably more of a drain than I realized.
What are you tolerating in your environment?
What could you do today to make your environment work for you?
How might you alter the factors, that are less than ideal and under your control, to change?
We'll be talking about the other influencers in the upcoming months so get ready!
It's hard to believe we are entering Q2 of 2021 in just two days. Corporate measurements die hard.
Having markers in our life to check in with ourselves is incredibly valuable and necessary. Otherwise days, weeks and months can go by before you know it.
I am sure you set out the beginning of the year with some goals, accomplishments, life changes, etc., that you wanted to make. Let this serve as a check in for what that was for you.
Where are you with what you set out to do?
On track? Forgot what track you were on? What track are you talking about?
Whatever your answer is, it's the right answer. You're right where you need to be.
Aware of where you have been and making a choice of where you want to go.
Personally, I check in weekly and monthly to ensure I'm on track. Have things changed since the beginning of the year? Absofreakinlutely. I got thrown off kilter with some things and had opportunities that changed my course. I didn't beat myself up or stay stuck on a certain thing happening or not happening but adapted and adjusted staying true to my intentions.
Life happens. Let it happen with no judgment. Then adjust and adapt.
Use the next week to think through where you are and where you want to go.
If you need to scrap the plan, scrap it. If you need to keep at it, keep at it. If you need to back off a little, back off.
Just don't give up on whatever it is you want. You deserve it. I'll always be here for a check in on that.
Katie and I were in conversation this past weekend about a decision we need to make. We have been going back and forth and hemming and hawing and round and round. You get the idea.
Then she said "I think the problem is we are playing defense, not offense and that's just now who we are".
Look at the coach getting coached.
In sports there is a saying "Offense sells ticket but defense wins championships," but so often in life we live in defense mode which rarely leads us to a win.
In this case we totally were. We were in a place of defense. Waiting for stuff to fall in place. Hoping things may change. Not wanting to make a call.
We weren't thinking offensively. We weren't making moves even if we had to redirect later. We weren't taking the power back in this situation. We were letting it happen TO us not making it work FOR us.
We do that a lot in life. We are paralyzed to make the wrong move so we don't. We stay on defense waiting for clarity to come to us as opposed to going out and seeking it. We would rather play safe than move forward without certainty.
What are you playing defense on in your life?
For us, we have put a plan in place and moving forward. Things may change and our plans may shift but we'll move forward offensively because remember "you'll miss 100% of the shots you never take". *I told you I liked sports quotes.*
Still struggling with making moves and feeling stuck? You don't have to go it alone. Email me and let's team up to get you the progress you want!
This is Rusti and he lives in Norway and is living the dream. I have this printed and up on my wall in the office because it brings me joy and I am super intentional about putting things in my daily life that bring me joy.
I was on a call the other day with a friend (Hi C!) and she mentioned how she was taking a mental joy day. I literally said, “Wait. What? Did you say a mental joy day?”
Where has this concept been all my life?!!
Not a mental health day but a mental joy day. She was taking a day to go do something that provided her joy.
A proactive approach to mental health
What would a mental joy day be for you?
What is one thing you can do this week that fills you with joy?
What is one thing you can start implementing into your week that may serve no other purpose than it lights you up and bring you joy?
And let me stop you right here, you do have the time. I can promise there is some time in your week (even if it’s not significant) that you can use to reconnect and create space for you.
This should be an easy task. Schedule something that brings you joy but it is so often put on the back burner. I hear excuses like “I don’t have the time” or I hear the underlying message of “I don’t deserve to because I haven’t “earned” it.
This is not the truth.
Whether a printed photo of an alpaca or a day doing your favorite thing. Make your mental joy day a staple so that you can build a life that requires less mental health days.