Ya’ll. I love my birthday. Like celebrate the whole month type of love. We had been planning my 40th celebration to Italy for a while but like millions around the world our plans were cancelled a couple weeks ago.
Am I disappointed? Hell yeah!
Have I excused my disappointment away based off the real devastating losses people are facing during this time? Absolutely.
Do I feel silly and selfish and bratty to even say this out loud? Kind of.
If you’re like me you are keeping in perspective as it’s probably not an overstatement to say that every single person in the world is feeling a loss, from the absolutely devastating to the missed events that you’ll never get back.
So we excuse away our losses and disappointment during this time chalking them up to “first world problems”.
We don’t want to complain about missing trips when there are those missing funerals and cancelling weddings.
We don’t want to complain about missing milestones when there are those who are losing their livelihood.
I am here to tell you its okay to mourn your losses. They are still your moments that you have been looking forward to, maybe even for a lifetime, that you wont’ have. You can be sad and disappointed AND still having compassion for others. It’s not an equal sum game.
There is one simple thing you can do, that’s worked for me and others, to help you move past the disappointment.
State your disappointment out loud (with no qualifiers)
Call a friend. Bust out a journal. Give words to the disappointment you feel. It’s okay to sit in your sadness of the disappointment you are feeling. You had plans and goals. You missed a big event. You miss your family.Whatever it is put words to it.
Speaking your disappointment out loud will feel like a relief, shaking off the guilt and shame you feel because what you’re going through “isn’t that big of a deal”. Only when we are honest with ourselves on what we are really feeling are we able to let it go.
It may feel trivial but if disappointment is sitting in your heart and festering, the time is now to release it. We have a long road ahead of us and we don’t need to be bogged down with extra weight. We need to be at our best to support each other during this time.
So yeah my birthday celebration won’t be what I imagined but I am still looking forward to it. I will still look forward to calls. I will still find ways to celebrate all month. I will still find joy and love because that’s really what its about.