If you are like me you ARE NOT HERE FOR THE STRUGGLE BUS.You are used to feeling in control of your day, getting stuff done and overall feeling pretty good. Riding on the struggle bus is uncomfortable and you are much more of a drive yourself type of commuter.
If you find yourself on the struggle bus, especially during COVID-19, while still trying to move the needle on whatever it is you want for your life I am going to say something that may sound a little counter intuitive to you.
Narrow your Daily Must Do List to 2-3 Items
"Wait ? Only 2-3 ? But Holly I can do so much more!"
Yes you can and you most likely will but we are in weird working times with unique distractions. As good as it is to have a routine, we must adjust our routine to our new normal. Having 2-3 items you can accomplish will be BIG WINS and we all need big wins these days.
Accomplishing 2-3 items a day will move you further along in your goals than a list of 10 that never get done and get bumped to the next day and the next and the next..... Sound familiar?
Ask yourself, What can I do today that will keep me on track toward what I want for my life ?
Write it down. Do it. Mark it off. Give yourself a high-five. Repeat.
Will you do more ? Most likely. The momentum of accomplishment will most likely keep you going but if not that’s fine too. You did what you said you would. You can go to bed knowing you kept a promise to yourself and made progress toward goals while also showing yourself grace and removing some of the self-imposed pressure. It’s totally possible to be riding the struggle bus and still make some moves.
If you are on the struggle bus, I see you. I hear you. It's normal and perfectly okay to take a ride on the struggle bus. We just can't stay on there forever. We have bigger things to do.
Remember I'm rooting for you.
“I’ve always had a struggle with what life has told us we are supposed to do and what I internally felt I was supposed to do. I thought I was supposed to have kids, be married, etc. I had these expectations for myself but inside I somehow knew I didn’t have to do these things. I was secretly fighting those thoughts. I wouldn’t say I was disappointed in my life but like a lot of women I know I was really focused on timelines and set goals based on where I should be.”
Jessica was checking off the all the boxes for the American Dream. She had the degree, the corporate career, the hip apartment, the nice car and a great group of friends. She wasn't unhappy but had a nagging sensation there had to be something more outside of society's expectations. She had struggled for a long time with what she thought life had told her what she was supposed to do and what she internally wanted for her life. She was doing what society told her to but she had a voice in her head and heart telling her there was more.
So in 2017 she left a very nice life to chase that voice in her heart telling her it was time to travel the world and for almost three years, Jessica has lived out of a suitcase living in over 20 countries and exploring more than 30. She made the bold and courageous move to leave the good life to lead her true life. It hasn't always been easy but it's been worth it.
In today's episode we talk a lot about how self-awareness is key when making a big decision, why she chose to leave a life that was going well and she was happy with to take the chance to follow her heart and how the theme to her adventure is shedding the extra baggage both literally and metaphorically to be free in all they ways.
Listen here on iTunes! If you would like to work on stepping into your truth with what you want for your life email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with “Leaving the Good Life” in subject line for a complimentary session.
Anyone else feeling totally out of wack? I have been staying up till 11. ELEVEN! And sleeping in until 7. SEVEN!
Not only are we all figuring out our new normal I bet a lot of us are feeling guilt, judgment and “shoulds” around it.
Are we doing enough? Are doing too much? Are we showing up as our best selves? Are we showing our heineys more than usual?
Yes. All of the above.
Figuring out our mindset, coping skills and new normal isn’t easy and it can change day to day. Hour to hour. Minute to minute.
I want you to remember. You don’t owe anyone an explanation on how you are responding during this unprecedented time including to yourself.
Show yourself some grace. Defend yourself to no one.
If you respond by eating chips on the couch, binge-watching your favorite show,I’m rooting for you.
If you respond by going full throttle at work, a side-hustle or personal growth,I’m rooting for you.
If you respond by crying in the shower hiding from kids, I’m rooting for you.
If you respond by cycling through all these on one day MULTIPLE times, I’m rooting for you.
We’re all figuring out how to handle this and it’s okay to change your ideas or plans for what you need. Show yourself some grace.Defend yourself to no one.
In full transparency this is something I have struggled with even before this COVID-19 experience. Showing myself grace when I show up different than how I normally do. Showing myself grace when I wake up feeling non-productive and negative. Showing myself grace because at the end of the day I am the one who is most critical.
We all have enough going on without feeling the “shoulds” that weigh heavy in our lives. The only thing you need to be doing now is taking care of you in whatever way that serves you in that moment, remembering to show yourself some grace.
What is that for you? If you don’t know I encourage you to take the time to really acknowledge what it is and honor it. Join my Rise and Shine mail list today for additional insights and actionable steps to continue to shine bright.
“I had played it safe. I could tell you so many stories of ways I have shut myself down to make other people feel comfortable. Once I found my voice, I realized people either really like me or really don’t like me and that’s okay because I know where to invest my energy and efforts. Not everyone needs to like you, not everyone needs to like your message or how you do it but the ones that do are where you add value to them and take into account the value they add to you.”
Today’s episode is with Spanki Mills and in her own words, you either love her or you don’t. Not many lukewarm feelings for Spanki. I for one love her.
She lives unapologetically and admits in her 40s she is still trying to figure out what she wants to be when she grows up. A creative on many levels, she is constantly exploring what her"day gig" is but at the core it boils down to helping women discover they can do things outside the norm, stand firm in who they are and quit putting other's expectations on themselves.
When she had her kiddos young she pushed her desires aside to be a mom, thinking her time had passed. After an "adult temper tantrum" in her 30s she has been on fire, doing the work to better herself and to create a life she is proud of on her terms. We talk about how being a people pleaser is a really hard habit to break, how sharing your story and truth no matter how painful is can be such a gift to help heal others and yourself and how she turned down a business opportunity THREE times until she realized she could do it her way.
10:00 – What is was like to give up her desires as a young mom and how an“adult temper tantrum” in her 30s got her on track to honor her truth.
15:20 – How one simple photo editing task changed her life and made her realize that her people pleasing was doing not only her a disservice but also her clients.
24:41 – Why she turned down an amazing business opportunity THREE times until she changed her perspective on how she could run the business.
32:00 – Why trusting yourself with what you want for your life keeps you focused and how photography helped her grow a thicker skin.
38:50 – How the years of living her life to please others felt like a waste of her time, leaving her feeling heavy and empty and how she turned it around.
46:30 – How trying to fit ourselves into a checklist of others is the easiest way to get burnt out and will be a sure tell sign to others that we are not living authentically.
52:15 – How being vulnerable helped her become the leader she never thought she was inspiring her team to do the same.
59:11 – How we have a duty to give truth to our story to not only let us heal but also show others they aren’t alone and they to can share their story.
Ya’ll. I love my birthday. Like celebrate the whole month type of love. We had been planning my 40th celebration to Italy for a while but like millions around the world our plans were cancelled a couple weeks ago.
Am I disappointed? Hell yeah!
Have I excused my disappointment away based off the real devastating losses people are facing during this time? Absolutely.
Do I feel silly and selfish and bratty to even say this out loud? Kind of.
If you’re like me you are keeping in perspective as it’s probably not an overstatement to say that every single person in the world is feeling a loss, from the absolutely devastating to the missed events that you’ll never get back.
So we excuse away our losses and disappointment during this time chalking them up to “first world problems”.
We don’t want to complain about missing trips when there are those missing funerals and cancelling weddings.
We don’t want to complain about missing milestones when there are those who are losing their livelihood.
I am here to tell you its okay to mourn your losses. They are still your moments that you have been looking forward to, maybe even for a lifetime, that you wont’ have. You can be sad and disappointed AND still having compassion for others. It’s not an equal sum game.
There is one simple thing you can do, that’s worked for me and others, to help you move past the disappointment.
State your disappointment out loud (with no qualifiers)
Call a friend. Bust out a journal. Give words to the disappointment you feel. It’s okay to sit in your sadness of the disappointment you are feeling. You had plans and goals. You missed a big event. You miss your family.Whatever it is put words to it.
Speaking your disappointment out loud will feel like a relief, shaking off the guilt and shame you feel because what you’re going through “isn’t that big of a deal”. Only when we are honest with ourselves on what we are really feeling are we able to let it go.
It may feel trivial but if disappointment is sitting in your heart and festering, the time is now to release it. We have a long road ahead of us and we don’t need to be bogged down with extra weight. We need to be at our best to support each other during this time.
So yeah my birthday celebration won’t be what I imagined but I am still looking forward to it. I will still look forward to calls. I will still find ways to celebrate all month. I will still find joy and love because that’s really what its about.
In what feels like another lifetime I worked in Marketing and Communications for USA Softball, a life-changing experience of growth and opportunity for me. I could write a book with what I learned from the habits and mindset of athletes who are literally the best in the world to learning howto be adaptable, flexible and still maintain excellence.
There is one lesson that I always come back to and it’s been especially helpful during the past couple weeks as the Coronavirus has started to impact our life here in Norway.
Control the Controllables.
Olympic Gold-Medal Winning Coach and 8-Time National Championship Coach at the University of Arizona Mike Candrea would tell this to the team on what felt like a daily basis but it’s such a good reminder to focus on what you can control.
We as humans seem to spend a lot of time on worrying about things that if we are honest about it, we have little to no influence on. By Controlling the Controllables and letting the rest fade away, you have more energy to focus on the things you really can impact as opposed to worry or running around in circles NOT doing what you can to move the needle.
Can I control if airlines cancel flights, countries shutdown borders or any other reason that would disrupt our plan?
But I can control buying flights, hotels and experiences that are refundable. I can look at other travel options if our trips get cancelled.
Will I be disappointed if we have to cancel our trips?
Hell yeah ! But I can control my thoughts and emotions. I can remind myself this is first world problems and despite being frustrated,there are people out there who are sick or financially struggling because of this.
There is probably not a week and definitely a month that goes by that I don’t comeback to this principle of “Control the Controllables” and it is a key factor in keeping my sanity when things get a little off kilter.
What are the Controllables in life you can focus on ? How will letting go of that which you cant control free you up to work on what you can?
If it works for Olympic Gold Medalists, it can work for you!
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Last week I was overwhelmed with loneliness. With tears in my eyes the thought ran through my head “I’m just so lonely.” And then another thought popped up “No. You aren’t lonely. You are just feeling that way.”
I am not a lonely person. I have a supportive spouse. I have an amazing network of family and friends that I could call at any time. I have interests and hobbies that keep me entertained and challenged. And to be honest, I love hanging out with me. I’m a ton of fun 😊
I am not lonely. I am just feeling loneliness.
We aren’t at the mercy of the emotions we feel. We don’t have to allow every emotion we feel to set up shop. Treating our emotions as something we have, and can easily change, and not who WE ARE is a game changer.
This shift of thinking doesn’t discount what you are going through. You may be in a tough season of life and these hard emotions are very real for you. You may need sit with them for a while but even then, remember they do not define who you are.
YOU aren’t sad. You feel sad. Feel it, make a shift, release it.
YOU aren’t stressed. You feel stress. Feel it, make a shift, release it.
YOU aren’t anxious. You feel anxiety. Feel it, make a shift, release it.
It’s perfectly normal to feel all of these emotions and more. But we don’t have to carry them with us longer than they serve their purpose.
After reminding myself I was just feeling lonely. I put my big girl panties on. I felt the feeling with no judgment. I reminded myself of all the reasons I wasn’t lonely. I did things that day that reminded me I wasn’t lonely.I called my brother. I scheduled an outing for this week and read.
Just like we are more than the labels we wear, we are more than the emotions we feel.
“All of a sudden I am living outside the lines and I had never lived outside the lines. Anytime you go against your norm and who you are, there is a level of fear that comes with that. As I pushed through that I felt more of the fear subside and felt more empowerment. It was close to a two-year transition but eventually the empowerment overrode the fear."
Today's episode is with one of my dear friend's Krista who is a child-free powerhouse of a woman. Her story read like a romance novel all the girls wanted to read. Successful career, dream husband and youth on her side for kids quickly to follow but one thing remained. Despite accomplishing all the things society told her she needed to, this wasn’t the life she wanted so she had the courage to flip the script.
A self-proclaimed “list maker/check box marker offer” Krista shares her story about how realizing she didn’t want kids led to her divorce,how rebuilding her life required a complete 180 and how the support of family and friends is critical when a women talks about not wanting kids.
Problem. Destroy. Disturbance. A little intense, am I right?
Disrupting the norm will create work for you, disturbing all you have believed to be true. Making a change that goes against the norm can be uncomfortable, challenging, awkward and will most likely have you doubting what you are embarking on.
Disrupting the norm will create problems for others, one that threaten their beliefs on who you are and what you should do. You will be questioned, criticized and have those closest to you wonder why in the world you would do such a thing.
Sometimes the structure of your life needs to be destroyed so you can build the life you want.
Disrupting the Norm is not for the weak of heart but on the other side is where the magic happens. It’s where you step into who you are and want you want for your life. It’s worth it.
If you are ready to disrupt the norm, let's chat. Email me today for a complimentary session with subject line "disruptor" at firstname.lastname@example.org.
“It was honestly so difficult, and it really shouldn’t have been. There were many tears and it was agonizing but I really think I knew all along the decision that I was meant to make. I just got derailed by society and expectations and the idea of ‘What if I’m missing something?’.”
Today’s episode features Elizabeth who started the facebook group Childfree World Travelers about 3 and 1/2 years ago. She thought she was a pretty big deal when her group reached 100. Today, the group has over 4,000 members with 11 moderators all over the World, sharing their travel tips, advice and stories. Elizabeth is a helper and connector at heart and understands the importance of seeing and supporting others whether through the meet ups she creates or the barre classes she teaches.
We talked about how this was Elizabeth's "coming out" as a childfree woman and the amazing feeling she had when she proclaimed her choice to be child free. We talked about how a feeling of being dismissed years ago for not having children still irks her and how its so important to Pay Attention in your life and not just go with the flow of big decisions.
Expectations. Typical. A required standard. Not a very inspiring way to live your life, am I right?
The norm can serve its purpose for a respectful, functioning society. How else do we know to wait our turn when exiting a plane (I don’t know who needs to hear this but just sit down and wait for your row).
The norm is so, well normal, that we don’t even question it and just accept it for what it is. We follow along with this script of what a life should look like for us even when our mind and heart tell us something else is out there better suited for us.
Disrupting the Norm takes a lot.
It takes clarity to stay focused on what it is you want.
It takes dedication to stay on the path when everything and everyone around you may be telling you different.
It takes courage to follow an untrekked path of which you may have never even seen anyone go down.
Disrupting the Norm takes a lot but the cost is well worth it to create the life you were born to live.
If you are tried of living by this definition and want to create your own way, I am here for you. Email me today for a complimentary session at email@example.com with subject line #disruptor.
Today’s episode is such a treat as I got to chat with fellow coach, inspirational being and friend Kristin Moses. Kristin, who i met through our coaching training program, is a confident, driven and energetically aligned woman who has created her own path as a childfree woman.
“I definitely consider myself to be a nurturer and motherly.If you talk to any of my friends or clients, they would always describe me as the caretaker, motherly or a guide. I’ve always known that is who I was but I also knew that having children would not be that outlet. There are so many other ways of nurturing, mothering and caring for people that can manifest in other ways than having a child. If it’s important for you to have your own child you should do it but if you don’t have it in you, it’s absolutely okay and there is so much you can do with your life if that’s what you value.”
We talked a lot about how honoring your truth will always give you the answers you need, how the idea that you have to have a child to mother is weak and what the dating scene has been like for Kristin as a childfree woman.
What I found so interesting but not surprising is despite being 100% in her decision to be childfree and creating a full life, she mentioned that several times throughout our conversation she thought “Is this okay to say?” Every single guest has spoken some version of this statement. It shows the stigma that so many women and men carry about their decision to be childfree. Every time we share a story, the stigma lessens.